4. The Addiction of Emptiness

Fri, 22 May 2026 11:36:48 +0000

The first thing Elara noticed the next morning— was the silence. Not around her. Inside. She sat at the edge of her bed, staring at her hands. Waiting. For something to return. A weight. A flicker. A trace of what had always been there. Nothing came. No tightness in her chest. No quiet ache beneath her ribs. No familiar heaviness she had learned to carry without question. It was gone. Completely. And what replaced it wasn’t relief. It was a distance. Everything felt… dulled. Slightly out of reach. Like she was experiencing the world through something that kept her from fully touching it. She should have been grateful. She had wanted this once. A way to stop feeling so much. So why did this feel worse? “Elara.” She blinked. Her coworker stood nearby, frowning. “I’ve been calling you. Are you okay?” Elara looked at her. “I’m fine.” And she meant it. That was what unsettled her. By evening, she was back on the rooftop. There was no hesitation in it. It was the only place that still felt… connected to something real. Or at least—something that had changed her. “You came back.” Kael’s voice was quieter this time. Measured. Elara didn’t turn right away. “Yes.” A pause. “You shouldn’t have.” “I know.” Another pause. “Then why are you here?” Now she faced him. “I want it back.” No hesitation. No strain. Just clarity. Kael’s jaw tightened. “I told you. I can’t give it back.” “Then take the rest.” The air shifted instantly. “…What?” he said. Elara stepped closer. Closer than she had before. “If this is what I’m going to feel like,” she said, “then finish it.” His expression hardened. “No.” “Why?” “Because that’s not what you actually want.” “It is.” “It isn’t.” “Then tell me what it is,” she said. There was no desperation in it. That was the problem. Kael watched her carefully. “You don’t feel afraid,” he said. Elara paused. “…No.” “You don’t feel the loss either.” She searched for it. There was nothing. “No.” “That’s because I already took the part of you that reacts.” Her chest tightened slightly— but it didn’t go anywhere. “Then take the rest,” she said again. For a moment, something in him shifted. The hunger responded. Not to her pain— But to what was missing. An absence that felt incomplete. Unfinished. It pulled at him. Harder than before. Kael turned away abruptly. “No.” The word came out strained. Elara frowned. “Why are you refusing?” “Because you’re not choosing this,” he said. “You’re avoiding something.” “I’m not avoiding anything.” “You are.” “I’m thinking clearly.” “That’s exactly what’s wrong.” She flinched—barely. “I don’t feel anything,” she said quietly. “Do you understand that?” He didn’t answer. “I used to wake up with this constant weight,” she continued. “I hated it.” Her eyes stayed on his. “And now it’s gone.” A pause. “And this is worse.” That landed. Not through emotion. Through absence. Kael exhaled slowly. “This is what I do,” he said. “I don’t take pain cleanly. I take parts that people don’t know how to replace.” “Then take all of it.” “No.” “You don’t get to decide that.” “And you don’t get to turn me into a solution.” That stopped her. The wind shifted around them. Colder now. “Is that what you think this is?” she asked. “Yes.” “It’s not.” “Then what is it?” Elara opened her mouth— and didn’t answer. For the first time since that night, there was hesitation. Small. But real. Kael noticed. Good. It meant something remained. “You don’t like the emptiness,” he said. “No.” “You think I can fix it.” “Yes.” “I can’t.” The words didn’t soften. They didn’t need to. “But you caused it.” “And I warned you.” Silence settled again. Heavier now. Elara stepped closer. Slower this time. More deliberate. “Then why does it feel like you’re holding back?” she asked. Kael stilled. “I’m not.” “You are.” A pause. “You regret it.” “I don’t regret feeding.” “Not that,” she said. Her voice dropped slightly. “You regret that it was me.” That was enough. His control slipped. Not completely. Just enough. He moved. Closed the distance. His hand caught her wrist again. This time, he didn’t hesitate. And the moment it started— It was different. Stronger. Faster. There was less to take. But what remained— came loose too easily. Fragments of things she hadn’t even named before. Doubt. Fear. The quiet instinct to protect herself. They unraveled— and disappeared. Elara inhaled sharply. For a second— something surfaced. Relief. Real. Sharp. And then— nothing again. Kael’s grip tightened as the hunger deepened. Pulled further. Wanted more— even when there was almost nothing left. Then he saw her. Not struggling. Not reacting. Just… fading. Like something was being erased in real time. His hand dropped instantly. “No.” He stepped back. Too late. Elara sank to her knees. Slowly. No urgency in it. No panic. She didn’t reach for herself this time. There was nothing to reach for. Kael stared at her. For the first time, there was no hunger in his expression. Only realization. “What did you do?” she asked. Her voice didn’t shake. It didn’t carry anything at all. “I didn’t mean to take that much,” he said. But even as he said it— He knew. He hadn’t stopped because he wanted to. He had stopped because there was almost nothing left. Elara looked up at him. And this time, there was nothing in her eyes. No fear. No curiosity. No softness. Just presence. “Fix it,” she said. Not a plea. Not a demand. A statement. And in that moment— Kael understood something he hadn’t allowed himself to before. He hadn’t just fed on her pain. He had started removing the parts of her that made her human. ---